I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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