Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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