if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
