what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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