the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
