If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
