My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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