Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
