mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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