you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
