I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
