Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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