So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
