tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you win again, gameday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
