4 words: hood of his car
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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