he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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