THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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