So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
