Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
