he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found the puke drawer
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
