you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
