Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to jail i love you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
