I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This baby is an asshole
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
