I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
