i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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