I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
