Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
