Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
