Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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