did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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