Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
two words: eviction party
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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