I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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