i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
