Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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