I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
