you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
