turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
