the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
