Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
