the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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