she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
