Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
