they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
