Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
