Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
