i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
