Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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