"it" just moved
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
