every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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