You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
