So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
