Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
