I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
