Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
