you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
did i just pee glitter
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
