remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
