Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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